Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
