We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
