things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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