Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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