can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
