So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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