I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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