you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
