we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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