I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
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