just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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