Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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