i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
