Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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