You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Life without a bra equals bliss.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
