you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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