this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
