two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
