Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
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I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
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Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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