Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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