I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
