Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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