I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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