Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize