My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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