I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
