It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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