We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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