i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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