I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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