I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
