if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
