Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
