How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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