upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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