My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize