He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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