The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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