No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
