naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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