Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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