how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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