I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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