The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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