I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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