Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
