I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Vodka?
Forever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
