I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
