I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You've changed since you got that strap on
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
