Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
