Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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