I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
