Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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