you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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