Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
