NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Drunk is a universal language darling
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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