had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
