So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
