i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I want her autograph on my taint
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
