I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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