Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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