yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
