Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
