Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
