closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
