In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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