Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
