Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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