I heard we made out
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
