I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
