man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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