you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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