I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
