Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
